Last week, I had the opportunity to gather with fellow Portuguese people here in North Carolina and a monthly dinner sponsored by the "Portuguese Association of North Carolina (PANC)." As the group, now a non-profit organization, looks to build the organization, I find myself thinking about my upbringing and my culture.
For those of you who don't know, I grew up in a very close-knit Portuguese community in Rhode Island. Our community offered lots of opportunities to get together with other Portuguese families in a variety of settings. I frequently half-joke with people that my life was a little like the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." I went to Portuguese school as an after-school program, gossip spread like wildfire, and it was/is more common for a Portuguese person to date and marry a fellow Portuguese person that to be with an "American."
I'll never forget the day, my sophomore year of college, when we talked about gemienschaft versus a gesellschaft in my sociology class. At the time, I had only lived in my hometown and in the college community in Burlington, Vermont and knew that I had always lived in a gemeinschaft, where my beliefs and actions were more a result of the large association of my community (the Portuguese community in RI and the college community in VT), as opposed to my own self-interest. Sure, I had non-Portuguese friends and did things that were uncommon from tradition as I grew up, but, for the most part, my world revolved around being Portuguese.
From grades 2-7, I attended Portuguese school in the evenings, learning about the culture, language, history, and geography of this small country. I can still remember most of the 13 provinces, the first president, many of the explorers, and some of the major rivers. In 4th grade, I started taking clarinet lessons in school, and joined our Portuguese social club's band, like many of my peers. Shortly thereafter, I also joined one of the two Portuguese folk dancing groups in our town. The band and the folk dancing group usually attended the same events (there is a feast for a saint in almost every Portuguese town in RI and southeastern MA every weekend from June to August), so I'd go from being in my band outfit for the marching parade, to my folk outfit to perform, and lastly into some "normal" clothes to hang out with friends, and dance at the feast.
My social club's band continues to march in parades all over RI
Photo courtesy of the Lusitania Club's Facebook page
Photo courtesy of the Lusitania Club's Facebook page
Photo courtesy of my former director's Facebook page
Photo courtesy of the Lusitania Club's Facebook page
If you can imagine, I was a pretty busy kid. These events were things I did to celebrate my culture, but I was also into sports and played year-round competitive soccer for most of my life. I guess when you're so busy with extra-curricular activities, there is no time to get into trouble.
Though it seemed like a lot, I enjoyed it. It was fun to meet lots of people, have friends to do these things with, and experience a variety of things the Portuguese and the American world had to offer. I hardly ever sat around watching TV, never played video games, and never remember thinking that I was bored. In fact, I went to Montreal and New Jersey a few times with the band, and even went to Portugal, a tour that included playing at the President's palace! I can't think of very many kids who had a more enriching youth.
After finishing up 6 years of college and grad school, I had my first experience living in a gesellschaft. NYC is the epitome of a gesellschaft - a place where almost everyone acts in their own self interest and defies social and cultural norms. After spending 24 years living in places with "built-in" communities, I struggled to define my interests and find a place to fit in. I had spent all my life trying to excel within cultural and societal norms (which were very different in RI, VT, and Tennessee).
In NYC, I met, and became friends with, some Portuguese people who worked with me and played soccer with me, but going to their feasts was just not the same (although it was funny to see some of my RI friends at the feasts in Newark!!). Even the friends I made playing soccer were nice, but I just struggled to find my niche. I didn't know how to act in a gesellschaft - it made me realize that I had to define what I wanted for myself and what I enjoyed. It was not an easy process to initiate and it is a process that will likely continue throughout my life.
My "gemeinschaft" in NYC ultimately became my home. The cultural and societal norms that defined my actions became the things my husband and I did together - like hiking, playing volleyball, running, joining a community supported agriculture program (CSA) and traveling- which were things were both enjoyed. And I still did some things with friends I made in the city - like playing soccer and going out dancing.
I still struggle to act in my own self interest - Colin is a lot better at it than I am. I'm certainly not saying that is the better way to be or that I want to completely just think about me. There are wonderful benefits to being a part of a close community - people look out for each other and help each other when needed, there are lots of opportunities to be social, etc. But, I admire those who can do things for themselves to be truly happy, especially those whose self interests benefit others and society as a whole. That is what I aspire for myself.
So, while the Portuguese Association of North Carolina (PANC) looks to provide a gemeinschaft for families here, I will continue to attend the monthly dinners when I can. Through these dinners, perhaps I will find an opportunity to help the group with their endeavor through something that satisfies my own self interest.
Last week's Portuguese dinner included several delicious entrees.
Not to brag, but my bacalhau (white dish) was a hit!!
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